![[Attainment Logo/Masthead]](../Pics/Attainment.jpg)
The premiere publication that assists with startup financing, production and marketing.
The Essence of Software Developers
Most people would like to earn a living doing what they love. For programmers this means hunching over electronic devices and reaping inordinate pleasure fom typing obscure little symbols that cause some text or graphic to spill out on a fuzzy, not very portable, not-very-comfortable-to-read device called a computer monitor.
The beauty of all this is that people actually like to buy the results of this esoteric, antisocial behavior. The complication is that no one buys the software if the programmer insists on hiding behind the computer like some hibernating cave bear, refusing to come out and deal with the practical issues of marketing and production.
This is a problem.
Introduction
I'm Julie Benson, a humor columnist, syndicated by Abiogenesis, publishers of Attainment. So why am I writing this article? Because the folks at Attainment realized that freelance writers and entrepreneurial programmers have many common traits: they spend a lot of time hunched over keyboards, tend to be idealistic, and suffer violent allergic reactions to the practical responsibilities of running a business (manifested by severe cravings for pizza and cheesecake). They also tend to be socially challenged. Here's my favorite joke about male programmers (origin unknown):
(No one seems to joke about female programmers, maybe because she married the guy who was looking at her shoes.)
And here are some of my own (please credit them, if you quote them, so Attainment's lawyers don't start salivating):
The sad thing about that last joke is that Perl programs are, in fact, an elegant art form: subtle, delightful and absolutely inscrutable to 99.9999% of the population. Given such different realities and ways of thinking, is it any wonder programmers have trouble selling products with the elegance of Perl programs to people who perceive them as line noise?
The Business of Selling Software
I think most software developers will readily admit that they have no marketing skills. They would probably call a new fragrance Essence of Pizza; they fall asleep during business meetings; they can't understand why people drift away when they talk excitedly about a new Internet procotol, or a cool regular expression parsing routine; and they think a necktie is something you carry around in your pocket, like a handkerchief.
Consequently, they've asked me to guest write some of the columns, to keep you entertained, while sneaking in some down-to-earth, practical assistance to help the programming entrepreneur succeed, even while behemoths like Microsoft continue to assimilate products faster than the Borg can say "Resistance is futile!"
In each issue Attainment is going to cover some aspect of software development pertaining to business. Even though programmers need this information, you have to work extra hard to tear them away from their projects, since even the word 'business' can send a programmer running out of a room incoherently screaming something about "Cobol."
In fact, I suspect the development of the Internet is a plot by programmers to convert the general public to their way of life, so that everyone will be sitting at home, hunched over keyboards, next to a stack of empty pizza boxes. It won't improve the programmers' social lives, but at least they'll have the satisfaction of knowing that no one else is out dating any more.
I don't think programmers are going to change their habits any time soon. The truth is, traditional methods just don't work for them. So, I selected some of the urgent issues facing small software companies who want to succeed without really buying into conventional ways of doing business.
Here are some of the topics which will be covered in future issues, both in the regular business sections of this publication, and in the software business column that is going to be a regular part of Attainment online:
Zero Inventory Techniques - how to sell software without leasing a warehouse.
No Plate Printing - how to go direct from software to digital press, without all those silly steps in between.
Online Distribution - how to convince a dealer that he doesn't really need pretty packaging, and printed manuals - electronic distribution is the way to go.
Pricing for Profit - how to figure out how much your product should cost before you price it too low and discover you aren't making any money.
Selling Your Idea - the ultimate cop-out (which is sometimes a good idea). Don't market or distribute your product, get someone else to do it for you, and earn enough money to buy a mansion, or at least a small house.
Summary
Well, that's enough for now. I'll be back in future issues, and you can go back to playing Doom, or debugging that sticky subroutine. And if you need a few laughs, you can check in periodically on my Web site. It's designed for magazine, newspaper and newsletter editors to download my weekly column, but I'm adding a freebies section with light-hearted fun for everyone to enjoy.
Other articles in this issue:
Hanging Out Your Shingle: Finding the Right Office Space
The Alternative Office: From Garages to Sailboats
Point to Point: The Illusion of Free Enterprise
Promoting Your Mousetrap: An Anecdotal Look at Consumer Buying Habits
Book Review: Launching a Business on the Web
Do you enjoy books about computers? the Internet? philosophy? then check this out:
Darwin Among the Machines: The Emergence of Global Intelligence by George B. Dyson.
Visit our line-up of issues coming in 1997.
If you are interested in writing for our publication, take a look at our editorial schedule and our writers' guidelines.
