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Obituaries
The Julie Benson 'Almost True' column elsewhere on this site is based on fact, but to provide a humorous point of view, it includes exaggeration and inuendo. Her novels and parodies are fictional in nature (e.g., Obituaries for People You Don't Like).
In contrast, however, this page is factual, stranger-than-fiction news, albeit from the Julie Benson editorial point of view. You may quote from it, provided you credit Julie Benson as the source.
Reprint RightsThe following Editorial News Stories are © copyright 1999 and © copyright 2000 and onward by Julie Benson, all rights reserved. You may use the news items on this page as print fillers or sound bytes provided they include the Julie Benson byline/attribution, and are reproduced intact, without substantive additions or ommissions. If they are reprinted online, the byline must include a link back to the Julie Benson site at http://www.juliebenson.com/ .
Please note also that much of the Weird News on this page is adult-oriented, as can be expected from news bytes that fall outside the mainstream news services. The stories are true, but sometimes unsavory or untasteful to those with conservative views. Please exercise your judgment and discretion in choosing whether or not to read or reproduce these articles (as per the above terms).
Strapped for Cash. It seems that old memories and customs die hard, even if they are painful memories. As I write this, an old Scottish school punishment strap is up for sale on a popular online auction site. Now this strap is barely distinguishable from a good leather belt with the buckle removed; it's 24" long, 1.2" with a rounded tip at one end and a split on the other end for 'maximum effect.' If you had some compelling desire to own a strap, you could visit a second-hand store and make one yourself for about $2.50.
For the most part, public school strapping has been relegated to the past and who would want to own such a painful reminder anyway?
Well, human nature has some odd quirks, part of the genetic mix, I guess, and the strap up for auction already has 12 bids with almost 5 days still to go. You'd expect a starting bid of perhaps $1.00 and maybe such an item would go for four or five bucks, but no, I'm wrong on this one. The starting bid was $24 and right now the bidding is up to $83.
To put this transaction in perspective, I've seen high quality original
oil paintings by recognized artists go unsold on the same auction site,
even when they could have been purchased for under $50 (a pittance
for a fine, original work of art), yet people will pay $80+ for an old
school strap they could make themselves for a couple of dollars. I can't
quite figure the attraction. Maybe it has something to do with the
vendor's guarantee that the strap is still in 'full working order.'
-- Julie Benson
9 Oct. 2000
Hockey Pro Admits Both Aggression and Incompetence in the Same
Statement
Hockey Pro Wants it Both Ways. Boston Bruins hockey player Marty McSorley was caught last winter on video delivering a savage blow to the head of Canucks player Donald Brashear that disabled Brashear with a bad concussion and left him unconscious on the ice.
It was clear that the hockey leagues wanted to deal with the matter internally, but there was strong pressure from all sides to handle this unusually violent assault through the legal system, thus affirming that violence should not be allowed to escalate indefinitely and that hockey leagues are not outside the law.
So far, this story about hockey violence doesn't qualify as 'weird news.' Sadly, violence in what is otherwise a skilled and elegant sport is sanctioned largely because of the croud-drawing economic basis of the current system. The big surprise, however, came in the court testimony of Marty McSorley in which he admitted to deliberately hitting Brashear in order to provoke him into a fight. OK, so the assault, according to McSorley himself, was intentional. But McSorley then claimed as his chief defence that he was aiming for Brashear's shoulder and didn't mean to hit him in the head. Let's think about that for a moment...
McSorley is a hockey veteran with 17 years experience. The distance between Brashear's shoulder (let's assume just above the bicep) and his temple where McSorley hit him on the side of the head is between 10" and 13" depending on whether you measure it straight up or on the diagonal. Brashear was moving perhaps 20 mph at the time of the assault. In contrast, a hockey puck is only 1" thick and, while in play, is frequently zipping around at speeds that exceed 70 mph.
Given those facts, you have to conclude that either McSorley is
incompetent as a hockey player, since he admits his aim was off by more
than 9" when trying to hit a large, slow-moving target, or that he was
lying. The Judge apparently assumed the latter and McSorley was found
guilty. How McSorley
expected he could have it both ways, to admit assault, but then try to
insist he 'missed' his target is, to put it bluntly, rather pathetic.
McSorley should have the courage to admit his pugnacity and bad judgment
and get back to the business of hockey rather than claiming the Judge
was wrong and the case would be appealed. After all, as a celebrity, he
got off
with a slap on the wrist; McSorley was convicted of assault but didn't get
any jailtime or criminal record! How many people reading this could
assault another human being on camera and walk away with no legal
consequences? The McSorley incident is not just a sad testimony on
the behavior of some hockey players, but a sad testimony on the legal
system, which once again has demonstrated it has one set of rules
for celebrities and another
for the rest of us.
-- Julie Benson
11 Feb. 2000
Big Boys' Noses Out of Joint From Hacker
Attacks
E-Commerce Under Attack. In the last week several prominent e-commerce companies, including eBay, e*Trade, and Yahoo reported that they were compromised by hacker attacks that affected their ability to provide services on the Web. Government response to these complaints has been surprisingly swift and aggressive.
In an apparently organized effort which smacks of political protest, one or more hackers dogged down servers of companies that are prominent money-makers or commercial information-brokers on the World Wide Web. A new company seems to have been targeted every couple of days or so. Hack attacks that 'dog down' a system by sending a flood of data or email are common on computer networks, and many hundreds of companies have experienced similar incursions into their systems over the last 15 years. These attacks are hard to trace if they are launched anonymously and routed through a number of systems before reaching their intended target.
What motivates hackers, who claim they want to encourage a free and open Internet, to attack companies who then respond by tightening up security and limiting freedoms? The actions seem somewhat self-defeating in the long run.
The Hacking Subculture. In fact, different hackers have different motivations for breaking into or compromising the operation of networked computer systems. In some cases the hacking is deliberate criminal activity, including embezzlement, sabotage, or spying. In other cases, hacking is motivated by curiosity or grandstanding, often carried out by naive teens thinking that they are just playing a prank. They see themselves as flexing their creative muscles, not fully comprehending the economic cost and loss of trust suffered by the victims, or the legislative tightening that results which cuts into everyone's freedoms. Sometimes hacking is politically motivated.
Data Flooding.The hacking activities reported by these big-name companies involved the receipt of a flood of data that created an overload on their systems, so that normal functioning was compromised or slowed to a halt. If reports are accurate, it appears that each 'hit' was a one-time attack. In terms of commerce, this is similar to a crowd of several thousand protestors showing up at a retail store for a day or so and deliberately taking up all the space in the aisles and entrances so that customers can't get in. Since the public has not necessarily been informed of the names of all the companies targeted, it's hard to look for patterns and speculate about why they were chosen. We can only guess that marketing dominance or perhaps technology stock offerings are possible criteria.
In light of the activities, governments are jumping in to help. In Australia, Justice Minister Amanda Yanstone has issued statements regarding the importance of Internet security and the need for criminal laws to deal with hackers. In America, President Clinton has called for a summit on Internet security.
Well, shouldn't government protections for Internet security be welcomed? Yes, if they serve the broader needs of our democratic society. But we may create a caste-based online society and greater problems down the road if we don't look at the big security picture.
Security for All Internet Users In the first place politicians will have to make sure that legislation aimed at protecting the security of online banks, retailers, and stock-trading communities also takes into account the needs of nonprofits, communities, educational institutions and individual net users who are an essential part of the Web. Internet security measures should further investigate exploitative content-distribution to make sure that legislation that protects money-making businesses does not incidentally protect those that are promoting illegal or immoral products. Some examples might help to illustrate the 'bigger picture.'
Internet Protection of Content/Product Providers Did you know that there are hundreds of voyeur sites on the Web in which highly explicit and personal pictures of unsuspecting women and girls are being distributed and sold without the knowledge of the people in the pictures? Did you know that one Internet entrepreneur has installed pinhole cameras throughout women's private areas in a west coast university, including inside toilet bowls, without the knowledge of the people being photographed? Did you know that in some states there are still no laws prohibiting this (especially if there is no audio associated with the videos)? Internet entrpreneurs hire kids on skateboards with pinhole cameras in their backpacks to place the cameras in places where they can get 'under the skirt shots.' Did you know that security cameras installed by security agents in public places, which are intended to protect citizens, are training their lenses up to 80% more often on minorities and women than on white males? Where is the swift and aggressive response to protect the security of these people and critically evaluate the distribution of Internet content that exploits them without their consent? Can we expect the Presidential summit to consider how protections might aid the 'security' of highly questionable ecommerce money-makers as well as legitimate businesses?
While the Australian and American politicians are taking some high-profile steps to 'do the right thing' for big companies that are at least partly responsible for their own security through better programming, they'll hopefully develop some network legislation that benefits all users on the Net, including small communities, nonprofits, and individuals with personal Web pages.
That's not to say that all politicians have been ignoring Internet abuses in the area of privacy and commerce. Some have been working for years to get some basic hacking and video-peeping protection Bills in place. But you have to wonder why they didn't get such immediate media-prominent support from the Australian Minister and the U.S. President as the big e-commerce companies got from a short series of isolated attacks. Could it be that our leaders, voted in to protect the public trust, are more concerned about protecting their stock investments than they are in protecting our women, children, minorities and nonprofit Internet sites? I hope that's not the case, but you have to be honest and consider the possibility if you objectively assess the facts.
-- Julie Benson26 Oct. 99
If you've ever competed in a three-legged race, or dressed up like a three-legged person with a friend for Hallowe'en, or seen two circus performers dressed in a shared costume, then you can picture the subject of a new costume afforded protections from the US Patent and Trademark Office. I'm not sure how Californian Aurellius M. Jordan managed to win a patent for a costume with two necks and three legs, but technically it means you're infringing on the patent if you rent or make such a costume for your next dressup party. --Julie Benson
28 Sept. 99
An enterprising group of inventors from Splash Industries, Inc. in Texas, has received a patent for a swimming pool alarm that uses sound waves to trigger a signal that indicates accidental or unauthorized entrance into a swimming pool. Too bad this wasn't available that sad day on 9 Aug. 1999 when Star Trek Actor William Shatner's wife Nerine Kidd Shatner was found dead, floating in the pool on their estate. While we may never know the whole story about Nerine's death, if this type of safety/security device were standard equipment with every pool installation, think how many lives we could save. The Orange County Fire Authority reports that drowning is the second leading cause of unintentional injury-related deaths to children ages 14 and under, and that half of preschooler drownings occur in residential swimming pools. --Julie Benson
13 Sept. 99
A vendor on the Internet has been distributing and selling grisly memorabilia which plays on the human weaknesses of celebrity adulation and gambling speculation. This vendor has acquired signed postcards and letters from serial killers, or officials and friends associated with the killers, and is selling them for $10 - $20 with certificates of authenticity. These activities display a shocking disregard, on the part of both sellers and buyers, for the families of the slain victims, most of them young women. If commissions are being kicked back to the killers, some of them serving life sentences, it violates laws that prevent incarcerated criminals from running business ventures. Some of these inmates have reportedly been taking barter instead of cash to get around these restrictions. Our society is rightfully concerned about preventing criminals from profiting from the misfortunes of others. --Julie Benson
20 Sept. 99
13 Sept. 99
Sept. 1999 sellers began offering human organs on eBay's online auction site. Most of these apparently legitimate offers were from young adult male donors 19 and up with starting bids ranging from $2 to $10,000,000. eBay took no action on the earliest offerings, which expired without any bids, but an auction for a kidney, set to end 13 Sept. 18:00 was terminated by eBay Customer Support with 6 bids entered, bringing the price to $10,000,000.
Whether the donors and auction bidders privately contacted one another subsequent to eBay's termination is not known. Legitimate and illegitimate private trading of human organs has existed in one form or another for many years. Charitable donation of organs by relatives, or by Good Samaritan strangers in accidental deaths, have assisted those mortally in need of organ transplants, but this public auction open to millions of viewers is unprecendented.
By the time eBay closed down the auctions on human organs, more than a dozen had been listed. Although eBay is probably evaluating the situation, given the potential for abuse and liability, it seems unlikely that human organs will be readmitted to the auction floor. --Julie Benson
13 Sept. 99
Sexual Organ Enlargers in Public Auction
Entrepreneurs thought there might be a market for private products in a public promotion. A couple of dozen penis enlargers were offered on eBay at starting bids of about $10 each before they were closed down by eBay's Customer Service. There were no bidders on the generic 'natural exercises' brand, hopefully because the public isn't easily taken in by the questionable claims. However, one Swedish organ-enlarging product did get bids and sold based on celebrity appeal. I guess the buyers figured what natural exercises couldn't do, Mike Myer could, and even if it didn't work, they still had a pretty cool looking box for $19.50. --Julie Benson
7 Sept 99
Multimedia Sensory Smell System
7 Sept 99
Face Down Lounge Chair
Cheryl H. Sewell of Jasper, Georgia, has invented a new type of lounge chair which resembles conventional chairs in many ways, with a seat and back to elevate the body, but which differs in that it has an opening in the upper back for the face and nose, so you can lie on the chair on your stomach and not have to squish your neck to the side. Now what good is that, you may ask, if you're trying to watch TV? Well anyone who has herniated a disk in their back, or had a bad whiplash accident would probably be overjoyed to get their hands on a chair like that.
3 Aug 99
Nostril Dilator for 'Unimpeded' Breathing
Michael M. Dillon of Arizona has created a flexible adhesive device that you stick up your nose to prevent your nostrils from constricting during breathing. I'm not even going to comment on this one except to say it was awarded a patent. Well, ok, ok, I will admit that there might be some medical reasons for having one of these, but the inventor's patent application suggests that constricted nasal passages during sleep can be uncomfortable, and that prolonged mouth breathing may cause lung irritation from particles not filtered through the nose. Personally, I can't imagine much being more uncomfortable than having plastic adhesive tubes shoving your nostrils out from the inside, not to mention trying to remove them when you're done (like pulling off a bandaid, with no room to pull). --Julie Benson
8 June 99
Japanese Researchers Develop Spinach Sexing Method
The US Patent & Trademark Office has awarded a patent to Toyokazu Akamatsu and Takao Suzuki of the Sakata Seed Corporation, Yokohama, Japan, for developing a method to quickly determine the sex of a spinach plant. DNA markers are used to make the determination. --Julie Benson
4 May 99
'Perfume' Attracts Pecan Weevils
A team of three American scientists has succeeded in identifying the chemical components of a pheromone which can attract female pecan weevils. This might prove beneficial in population control (of weevils) or in monitoring their behavior. --Julie Benson
2 Mar 99
American Inventor Anchors Wigs
It took four years to go through the paperwork, but Thomas R. Cowper of Chesterland, Ohio has patented a system for attaching a hairpiece to a human head. There's nothing new about the basic idea, many types of adhesive systems have been developed to hold toupés in place, but Cowper's solution involves essentially 'bolting' the hair to the skull through a sleeve implanted in the bone. If this gives you the chills you might consider shaving your head instead. Bald is in these days. --Julie Benson
17 Nov 98
US Patent Awarded for Male Sex Aid Device
Two Florida inventors were awarded a patent for a male sex aid device which basically consists of an inflatable, ribbed tube made from a sheet of plastic optimistically extending to 24" in length. What is particularly interesting about this patent is that the inventors apparently succeeded in convincing the patent examiners that the invention was a substantial improvement over existing technologies, and sufficiently unique to deserve a patent. Given the simplicity of the idea, this suggests that either previous inventors were too embarrassed to file for patents for similar sex aids, or most men are perfectly happy driving the sportscar without artificial stimulation.
Having said that, two months previously a patent was awarded to a Texas inventor for a similar device, a tube construction with an inner lining of gel (rather than being inflated with water or air as in the previous case). Why separate patents for similar inventions? Well the Texan invention claimed to be for the collection of sperm in a discreet manner, whereas the second claimed to be for sexual stimulation, dissimilar enough, it seems, to satisfy the examiners. --Julie Benson
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